Games are a Reflection of Behavior

You are standing on a small stage yelling, "What's the name of the game?!"

"Win as much as you can!!!" comes roaring back.

"Who's responsible for your score?!"

"I am!!"

The audience is composed of ninety men, all prisoners in a federal maximum security prison.

One more thing - you're a woman.

For three years, Alicia volunteered every Thursday at FCI (Federal Correctional Institute) in Bastrop, Texas-

"I used my skills as a corporate trainer to help these men learn to shift their perspective on themselves and the world."

"Along the way the prisoners taught me as much, perhaps more, than I taught them."

"In my training business, I use games as a way to break down barriers and shift perceptions. What I came to realize is that your behavior in a game is an exaggerated reflection of your behavior in real life."

Games are an opening to behave true to our natures, to react immediately rather than with a careful response. Depending on the other players, we may monitor our behavior less in a game than in the real world, but we aren't acting differently. In a game there are no emotional holds barred.

In a game, we are allowed to be more right brained than logical. After all, "It's only a game."

Saying something is only a game tends to trivialize its importance. Precisely because we view it as trivial, and of no importance, we can give ourselves permission to let our true natures out.

When we floated this idea before a number of colleagues, several of them told us stories of self-discovery. One woman, a very sweet and kind person in "real life", was known as "the enforcer" when she played hockey in school. Another shared that, when she plays a game against total strangers she becomes "brutal" and highly competitive.

So if our true nature comes out in a game, what can we do with that information?

Can we transform situations so that we can be true to our nature? Can we make a game out of real world situations to allow our true nature to flourish? The obvious example is to view business as a game to be won. This implies competition and a winner take all attitude.

Yet Covey and others have told us about creating win-win situations. Is there such a thing as a win-win game - a game where everyone wins, where no one loses? Can you devise a game where you can put your competitive streak toward a larger goal? Can the proverbial pie be made larger? As someone said to me, to transform from "me winning" to "we winning".

What's the name of the game? Win as much as you can!

Who's responsible for your score? I am!

The game Alicia played with the inmates was called "the handshake game". She had them pair up by size, height and weight and explained the rules. "We'll play the game for 45 seconds. You get one point when your hand taps his hip; he gets one point when his hand taps your hip."

The vast majority of the pairs had a combined score of 0 points. A few pairs scored in the 10 - 20 point range.

But one pair scored 260 points.

The high scorers had realized that the name of the game and scoring responsibility did not define a win-lose (or "zero-sum") game. That is, one person did not win at the expense of the other.

Of course, the entire thing was a set-up. Alicia paired them up by size, height and weight to set the expectation that it was an evenly matched contest. She got them chanting to get their excitement up.

And she neglected to tell them that the pair was a team and the team members' scores would be combined.

"Deliberately I didn't tell them they were supposed to cooperate with their partner. I also never told them who the competitors were."

We all know that a "formal" team must cooperate to win. The revelation here was that by cooperating they could maximize their individual scores.

What's the name of the game? Win as much as you can!

Who's responsible for your score? I am!

The rules say nothing about preventing the other person from getting a high score. The pair who "got it" quickly settled into a rhythm of "one for you and one for me". And they could have kept that up for as long as the game ran. Meanwhile, the other teams were struggling and would have exhausted themselves long before the winners did. And, when the few teams who did spot the pair who "got it" there were charges of "cheating" leveled at them. "We saw what they were doing but thought they were cheating or didn't understand the rules."

The cooperation - competition confusion is nicely summed up in the concept called "the prisoners' dilemma". Two people are arrested for a crime and there is enough evidence to put them both in jail for 1 year.

The police keep them isolated from each other and offer each the same deal: "If one of you talks and the other does not, the snitch goes free and the other one gets 3 years. If you both talk, you both get 2 years."

The partners can work together (by staying silent) and both get only a year in jail. By both defecting from the partnership to work with the police they will both get 2 years.

A single defector will go free while the one who cooperated gets 3 years.

The dilemma is formed by pitting trust against greed. The temptation of greed combined with a habit of competition blinds us to a different perspective.

But don't think that only prisoners are subject to this. When Alicia has had groups of corporate executives play this game, they fall into the same behavior pattern as the prisoners. In fact, in some corporate sessions nobody "gets it".

There seems to be a dichotomy between competing and winning. The idea of cooperating to win seems odd. In fact, we see other players complain that the ones who "get it" are cheating!

What you do depends on your view of the game. If the game is seen as a one-time event, why not be brutal - there will be no consequences. But if this event is one in a series, then cooperation is clearly the better long-term strategy, if only because there will be a chance for the other to get even.

In studies of prisoners' dilemma style games (played for points and not reduced jail time) the players eventually settle into a strategy dubbed "tit for tat". Their actions are saying, "If you cooperate last time, I'll cooperate next time. If you defected last time, I'll defect next time."

Using the word "defect" helps us see the shift - the opposite of cooperating (working on the same side) is defecting to the other side.

The desire to compete and the desire to win are not the same.

Game terminology (strategies, tactics, moves, etc.) is often applied to "serious" parts of life. Because the word game has a connotation of triviality, we sometimes bristle at its use to describe the things that mean the most to us.

What if we kept in mind that 'it's all a game' - would we behave differently?

Philosopher James P. Carse writes in the first chapter of Finite and Infinite Games, "There are at least two kinds of games. One could be called finite, the other infinite. A finite game is played for the purpose of winning, and infinite game for the purpose of continuing the play."

The book's subtitle is "A Vision of Life as Play and Possibility." His premise is that a game is about the relationship between the player.

In the book he characterizes two types of players. Finite players play within the rules, infinite players play with the rules. Finite players play to end the game (with their victory), infinite players play to continue the game (by whatever means they see fit). Finite players play to win, infinite players play to keep playing.

The players who "get it" are playing with the rules looking to transform a finite game into an infinite one.

If this article has intrigued you we encourage you to look at the various "games" that you are "playing" and with whom. Who are your "teammates" and what kind of game are you playing? With increased awareness of our behavior, and the behavior of others, we are able to create a "win as much as WE can" mentality.

By Alicia Smith

So Whats Your Argument?

Arguments aren't always bad things. Sometimes They're used to convince someone of an important point they may not yet realize.

You've probably used arguments in this way most of your life in fact!

Maybe you wanted to go somewhere and had to convince your parents that is was a good idea to let you go. So you argued your position with them.

Maybe you wanted to buy a big ticket item and had to argue the value of buying it with your spouse!

Arguments don't necessarily have to be shouting matches. They can simply be a device used to convince someone of something that you feel is important.

It's funny then, how so few sales people use the art of arguing to sell their products. Wouldn't a person who wants someone to buy something from them want to try and convince that one that it'd be a good idea?

Maybe it's because it's not such a good idea?

Could be why so many sales pitches are designed to connive potential customers into buying rather than giving them a convincing argument instead.

Let's face it . . .

Who'd want to argue a losing point?

After all, if a product is of little value, who in their right mind would want to take the position of trying to convince someone it had value?

Maybe that's why so few try to convince rather than connive!

But what is the difference between convincing and conniving anyway?

A conniver is like the person in a movie or TV show that's holding something they probably shouldn't be. Suddenly, a cop pulls up and he quickly passes the object to the person next to him with the words, "Here, take this quick!"

The poor unsuspecting by-stander is "left holding the bag", and doesn't know what hit him as he's dragged off to the pokey.

So, to put it simply . . .

A conniver is the person who tries to get you to do something without thinking about it. He creates a sense of urgency and force feeds it to you before you can say no.

Now a convincer is quite the opposite. He wants you to know what you're getting into and is willing to spend the time going over it with you. He has a valid argument and has no qualms about letting you hear it.

So, by the time he hands you the "bag", you know exactly what's in it, and you've been able to make a rational decision about whether you want to "hold" it or not.

This leaves us with two important questions . . .

If you're searching the Internet looking for product to buy, who would you rather run into?

If you're trying to sell valuable products on the Internet, which of the above two do you think you should be?

Hopefully, the argument is clear!


By Ken Nadreau

Suppliers as Your Partners in Cost Reduction

This article is one of the many articles still to come in which I will discuss very basic yet proven techniques that you could use immediately in your encounters with your suppliers.

Oh but wait, to find any value in this article, you must be a firm believer that Purchasing strategies have evolved from just 1) focusing on price and 2) focusing on quality, reliability, responsiveness and total cost to a much broader focus of building supplier relationships.

Did you know that for each $1.00 you save in your "total cost of ownership" reduction efforts, you will improve your bottom line profitability by $1.00? And did you also know that most companies do not get this concept and continue focusing their resources in all the wrong places?

Now is the time when I want to share with you 4 basic rules that have proven to work and work very well to help you create the partnership relationship with your supplier and allow them to equally benefit from the experience as well.

Rule #1: Getting direct cost savings is really a thing in the past. Getting savings has become increasingly difficult to achieve as your suppliers face similar predicaments themselves and operate with very little room in their margins to wiggle.

Rule #2: To affect your bottom line, using 80/20 rule, work on reasonable incentives to approach your top 20 suppliers with and build a "preferred" supplier base.

Rule #3: Communicate to your suppliers on "how to" earn a "preferred" supplier status and what is required of them to remain a "preferred" supplier.

Rule #4: Tell your suppliers what's in it for them (WIIFT) as they partner with you and build a "preferred" relationship.

To earn a "preferred" status means that your supplier will have the first shot to quote on new business, parts and project. In fact you can go so far as to create "earn a point" program every time you achieve your cost reduction goals using these techniques as they apply to your business.

Supplier earns a previously agreed upon point(s) when:

1) Shared tooling costs or shared engineering costs on a project

2) Extended terms: 60 or 90 day billing terms for a period of one year

3) Certified as "ship to stock" on all supplied parts or assemblies for a period of one year and remain compliant for every year thereafter

4) Ship zero defects for a period of one year and continue as such for every year thereafter

5) Work with purchasing, manufacturing or engineering to add value

Working with your suppliers to explore these techniques not only presents opportunities for you to reduce your "total cost of ownership" but also helps your suppliers to review, improve and streamline their processes and grow internally to be able to meet your expectations and earn that "preferred" supplier status.

Use this "total supply chain cost" model as your guide to isolate and focus on the actual cost elements impacting your bottom line profitability.

Total supply chain cost=

Buying price=

+Supplier performance cost

+Cost of acquisition

+Out-of-sync planning

-Speculation returns

+Speculation cost

+Mfg. cost

+Selling cost

+Distribution cost

+Profit

=Selling price

By Vera Haitayan

While Youre Waiting

Not long ago, I made a partnership pitch, on behalf of an organization I represent, to another organization with similar interests. If the idea had come to fruition, it would have radically changed our organization.

So, you can imagine my impatience when I didn't hear back from the person to whom I'd made the proposal. She had welcomed the idea, but told me the decision would be made by a council within her organization.

Given the dynamics of an important decision about the future of their organization, I didn't expect a quick response. But, I would have liked at least an update advising me on the status of their considerations.

Then, I had a "Eureka," or maybe I should call it a "Whoops," moment. I realized I hadn't reported back to the people in my organization either. That made me guilty of the same lapse of communication as the lady in the other organization. With that recognition, I made amends by sending out an email to my organization, and followed up with a report at a meeting.

In taking an analytical view of this incident, I realized that nothing can be something when it comes to communication.

The idea that nothing can be something seems counter-intuitive. But remember the famous Sherlock Holmes observation about the dog that didn't bark; the fictitious detective solved a baffling case by noting what did not happen, rather than what did happen.

You can probably come up with several ideas about the importance of communicating even though nothing has changed. That's especially true if you're the one who didn't hear from someone else.

First, you may have made plans that assume either a change in or a continuation of the status quo. Perhaps you're holding off on holiday plans until the issue is resolved one way or the other.

Second, at least you know that an anticipated decision or event hasn't yet occurred, and that you didn't miss something (for example, as I write this I'm waiting for a client to confirm some information and it would be nice to know that I haven't missed a callback or an emailed reply).

Third, if you've received an update telling you nothing has happened, you don't need to contact that person and ask if there have been any developments. Similarly, you can advise the people who look to you for information.

One other note about the 'nothing can be something' idea: It's a variation on what I've called the Everybody Knows syndrome. That refers to a failure to communicate, based on the assumption that others know what I know.

In summary, it's a good idea to report regularly, even if nothing has happened, since others may not know you're still waiting as well.


By Robert F. Abbott

Power Pricing - Getting the Right Price for Your Products and Services

There's an old joke about the New York City blackout. Power was out everywhere, and the electric company couldn't figure out what was wrong or how to fix it. Finally, they decided that the only one who could solve the problem was a long-retired worker who knew the system inside and out. He came out to the power plant, looked around, picked up a hammer and tapped one of the generators.

Suddenly, lights came on all through the area. Overwhelmed with relief that the problem was solved, they asked how much they owed him. "$20,000," he replied. $20,000? For tapping with a hammer? "Well," he said, "tapping with the hammer is $10. Knowing where to tap is worth $19,990."

There are a couple of lessons to be learned from the joke. First of all, the value is higher when the problem still exists than after it has been solved. After all, if told he could restore the power for $20,000, officials would have written him the check immediately, without question. Afterward, the problem wasn't so urgent--it was solved. Quote your price and get agreement while the customer still feels the urgency (and the pain that you will remove). That's when the value is highest to them. Your agreement can include conditions and guarantees, such as the results you will obtain, and deadlines, if they want assurances about results.

Maintain a little mystery. If they hadn't known that all he did was tap with a hammer, his services would have seemed more valuable. After all, they got the result they valued--the power was restored. Focus on the results, not exactly what methodology will be used. Don't let customers look behind the curtain. (Remember the Wizard of Oz?)

If you are the only one who provides a particular product or service, or you have skills or training no one else does, the value of what you offer goes up. Highlight your exclusive set of training, education and experience. Use unique language to describe what you do. You can also create an aura of exclusivity by screening clients, and only accepting those who meet your criteria. This can work if you have a reputation already, but it can also help build your reputation, if you've got the guts to try it!

Consider what your clients are used to paying, and charge at least that much. If your clients are used to paying $100 an hour, and you come in at $50, you probably won't get the job. On the other hand, if you can show that you are worth $150, you may be able to charge more than the going rate.

Another way to get an hourly rate higher than others is to charge by the project, rather than the hour. For example, maybe you charge $150 instead of $100 an hour, but you get the job done in fewer hours. Get the client to look at total cost, rather than hourly rates. Once again, get them focused on results.

This issue comes up all the time in my publishing classes, where I remind students that they are not selling paper. They are selling the information printed on the paper--information that will improve the lives of the people who use it. Paper is cheap. Useful information isn't.

Keep in mind that the value of your product or service is related to the benefits your customers receive, and how they value those benefits. Present what you sell as solutions to problems, and you can charge premium prices for your excellent products and services.

By Cathy Stucker

A One Stop Financial Solution

Amy Wright, 34, was extatic when her realtor showed her the three bedroom townhome overlooking the lushious golf course. It was exactly the home she was looking for. The interior was sunny and bright, with a newly remodeled kitchen, spacious bedrooms, and the perfect little study area to set up her new home office. It had a spectacular pool and a lovingly tended flower garden. Best of all-the seller had to move immediately, so the home was a steal and miraculously within her budget! Amy was already making moving preparations when suddenly, a devastating blow paralyzed her plans. Her credit application for a mortgage had been denied. She couldn't understand how this had happened-just a year ago, her credit had been almost perfect! The last year had been a little tight, and sure she had a few late payments here and there?but she had no idea it was so bad that now she couldn't even get the home of her dreams.

Ms. Wright found herself in the predicament that hundreds of thousands of Americans are suddenly finding themselves stuck in: more debt than they can handle, a sinking credit score, and all of their financial dreams slipping away. With no chance of getting approved for a loan, more bills than a paycheck can manage, and collection agencies hounding delinquent borrowers with phone calls, it is no wonder that financial problems are a top cause for anxiety, stress-related insomnia, and even divorce. Many American consumers don't know where to turn when their financial problems get out of hand, and don't know how to battle such corporate giants as major credit card companies or credit bureaus to start making their credit wrongs right. To make matters worse, all kinds of internet scams, fraudulent credit repair companies, and money-hungry "debt relief" programs have made consumers wary of turning anywhere for help.

Amidst all of these truly leery companies, however, there are a select few that can genuinely assist their customers in climbing out of debt, and directing them towards the financial solutions they desperately need. One such company is Credit MD, a company that has earned its reputation by handling its customers with honesty, sincerity, and expertise. You can immediately distinguish Credit MD from the many illegitimate credit repair companies out there because they never make false promises that hey cannot keep. The credit specialists at Credit MD have been trained to be clear and distinct about exactly what options are available to their clients, and what kind of success they can expect.

Credit MD, a credit specialist will assist customers in selecting an appropriate financial option, even if the customer has no idea where to start. After a thorough consultation, the credit specialist works with the customer to come up with a uniquely tailored financial solution that will help restore the customer's credit. As an affiliate company with many other lenders and credit services, Credit MD, offers a full array of credit options for customers that are in desperate need of financial relief. Among these options are sub-prime personal and business loans, credit cards, credit repair services, and debt consolidation and settlement plans.

The loans and credit cards Credit MD offers are specifically designed for customers with less than perfect credit. Getting approved through these lenders presents customers with the opportunity to start rebuilding good credit. Many customers can get approvals through Credit MD's affiliate lenders even if they were denied by other companies on the internet.

A recent study found that more than 3 in 5 consumers have negative information in their credit report, and nearly half of the studied reports contained errors. Many of the errors were serious enough to prevent the individual from qualifying for credit! To further entrap customers suffering from such erroneous credit reporting, dozens of highly dishonest "credit repair" agencies have reared their heads across the country. Dan Walsh was one their victims. "They told me they would make my credit perfect, and take all of the negative items off", he said. Instead, he got charged almost $5,000 with very little change to his report. Many of these credit agencies employ inexperienced associates and charge exorbitant fees to desperate customers. Credit MD has a fully experienced attorney that works on their credit repair cases. All of this is done at an astonishingly low cost, and absolutely free in some cases. There is never an up front cost to the customer, a feature that few, if any other credit repair companies can match. In fact, Credit MD refuses to even take cases unless they genuinely feel that they can significantly help the customer. Now that's credibility.

For customers sinking in debt, bankruptcy often seems like the only resort. But sometimes a last minute debt consolidation or debt settlement can save the deep impact the damages from a bankruptcy can cause. Credit MD assists customer in exploring these options, as well as several others, such as home improvement loans and home equity lines. Although there are many other companies on the web offering similar services, beware of internet scams and companies that ask for upfront payments or credit card information.

Even if you just want to know what your credit report has to say about you, Credit MD is an excellent financial resource for any customer seeking to explore their financial options or seek debt relief. Credit MD outshines its competition with premier customer service. They don't have annoying automated telephone systems, or lengthy hold times. It is easy to get in touch with an enthusiastic credit specialist promptly-a huge relief in today's busy world. With so many online scams, it's important to know a company that has qualifications and a reputation you can trust. For more information, call Credit MD at 1-877-512-7334 or visit their website at www.creditmd.com

By Sakina Walsh

Negotiating Skills Will Get You Ahead

Negotiating skills can help you manage lots of different kinds of life situations, both at work and in your personal relationships. Here are a few examples of where these skills can help you build an even better life for yourself:

1. Many family situations require negotiating with others. Deciding which movie to see, planning how to spend money, choosing a vacation spot, and many other decisions work best when you have these skills.

2. Being a good negotiator enables you to get what you want more often without resorting to becoming aggressive or pushy. Negotiating with others is more effective than simply demanding what you want or just caving in.

3. You will be more successful in the workplace if you know how to negotiate. These skills enable you to stand up for yourself and get what you want more often without harming relationships with bosses and coworkers.

4. Negotiation skills increase your personal effectiveness in any group situation, such as volunteer groups, the PTO, and church or synagogue groups.

5. Knowing how to negotiate lessens the chances that others will take advantage of you.

6. Negotiating a fair solution makes you feel good about yourself and increases others' respect for you.

What Successful Negotiators Do

What exactly is negotiation? It is a set of skills that anyone can learn. When researchers have observed the behavior of negotiators, they learned that the most successful negotiators do the following things:

1. They plan ahead. Successful negotiations are rarely spontaneous. Taking the time to analyze the situation and think through your strategy is perhaps the most important element of negotiating success. This is true whether you are negotiating an important contract for your employer or negotiating your vacation plans with your family. Example: Anthony wants to begin running again to get into better physical shape. He became a new father 18 months ago and has had no time to exercise. He anticipates that Belinda, his wife, will resist any discussion of his wanting to take time for himself, since the responsibilities of parenthood are so time-consuming. For a while, he avoids the subject, fearing that it will turn into an argument. Then he starts to feel angry and resentful. He decides to negotiate with Belinda and begins by making a list of his needs and wants, as well as her needs and wants.

2. They are willing to consider a wide range of outcomes and options rather than rigidly insisting on a specific result. Negotiators who are most successful are open-minded and avoid being locked in to one outcome. They are willing to consider many possibilities and combinations of options.

Example: Lisa is feeling very stressed by the long commute to her job. She was thinking of resigning until she decided to make a list of other options. She came up with several alternatives: working from home two days a week, working part-time rather than full-time, working flexible hours to avoid rush hour traffic, and working from home every fourth week.

3. They look for common ground rather than areas of conflict. Pointing out areas where you and the other person are already in agreement conveys an attitude of cooperation and lessens any feeling of opposition.

Example: Sandy wants her next car to be a Volvo because of their reputation for safety. George wants a sports car. She says, "Let's talk about what we agree on. First, we both agree that the car has to have a strong safety record. Second, we want to buy a new car, not a used one like last time. And third, we've set our price range as $40,000 or less."

4. They discuss the key issues in order of priority. Have a clear idea of what the two or three key issues are and which is the most important. Start with the most important issues and proceed to those that matter less. If you can reach agreement on the most important things, the lesser issues will most likely be easier to resolve. Example: Carol wants her next family vacation to be something really special-either a Caribbean cruise or a trip to San Francisco. She and her family have visited relatives or stayed at home for the past few years. She wants the family to have an experience they will always remember before Todd, their adolescent son, grow ups and moves away. She sees the key issues as follows: (1) There are only three years left before Todd leaves. He is not likely to join us for a vacation after he finishes school; (2) It is important to have an exceptional vacation at least once in your life; (3) If we plan ahead and save the money, we will be able to afford the cost of such a trip.

5. Skillful negotiators avoid behavior that the other person is likely to consider annoying. This includes any of the following kinds of behavior: having an aggressive or intimidating manner, using sarcasm, using negative body language, or talking loudly. Not only do skilled negotiators avoid such behavior, they work hard at conveying an attitude of cooperation, reasonableness, openness, and friendliness. Example: Jed is negotiating the details of his new job with his new employer in the Chicago area. When Jed moves from Memphis to Chicago to begin work, he wants Sarah, his new boss, to give him three paid days off to get settled in his new apartment. Sarah is resisting the idea. Jed says, "I thought you would be more understanding about what it takes to get settled. A reasonable person would see that this is a small request." This sarcastic remark is likely to create some doubts in Sarah's mind rather than convince her to give Jed what he wants.

6. Good negotiators avoid participating in a defend/attack spiral. You know what this sounds like:

A attacks B

B defends herself and attacks A

A defends herself and attacks B

B defends herself and attacks A

We've all experienced being caught in one of these spirals and know how nonproductive they are. Rather than perpetuating such a process, the successful negotiator puts a stop to it by choosing not to say anything that would be perceived as aggressive or defensive.

Example A

Jim: "I can't believe you are being so rigid."

Anne: "Rigid! You should talk! You are completely bull-headed."

Jim: "Right! You should try listening to yourself. You are impossible."

Example B

Jim: "I can't believe you are being so rigid." Anne: "You're not happy with what I've asked for." Jim: "You're damn right! You have to consider what I want." Anne: "Tell me more about it, then. I'll be happy to listen."

In example A, Jim and Anne dig themselves in deeper with each statement. In example B, Anne blocks the defend/attack spiral and makes it possible for communication to resume.

With practice, you can learn to use these simple skills to get more of what you want in life-without coming across like a bully. In fact, these skills help you reach agreements that are more likely to satisfy both parties while maintaining a positive relationship. Try them in your work life or at home-they work equally well in either setting.

By Garrett Coan